Not a Word

I once used the word "veggies" in front of my grandfather. He cast aspersions on me for that transgression for about five full minutes. That's a long time to endure aspersions. 

"Jesus Christ, Trace, why did you say that, that's not even a goddamn word! People have to shorten things and make them cute, it's bullshit, it pisses me off." (Then there was grumble, pontificate, grumble a little more, vituperate, scoff, and then I slinked off sheepishly never to use a cute abbreviated form of anything in front of him again, so help me God.)

Perhaps that is why I am about to tell you something you all need to hear. Vaxx isn't a word. It's not a fucking word. (My grandfather was anti-f-word, I had to watch my filthy mouth around him, so he'd say it a different way, but bet your ass he agrees with me up there in heaven where, still, he knows everything and is always right.)

What is it then? What is vaxx? I will tell you. It's a clever buzzwordy way to denigrate, vulgarize, and dismiss a segment of the population as a bunch of hopeless, despicable creatures not fit to live. Oh, hold on, you have to throw the prefix "anti" in front of it to make it work...ahhh, see, now you get it.

And don't start with me. And don't mean-comment me, I'll just delete it, so fuck off with your hate. Because the truth is, I am not anti-immunization. I am very glad we don't have to die of diphtheria or tetanus anymore. It's good that we're not getting sterilized by mumps. I'm VERY happy that a bite from an angry, foamy mammal doesn't have to be a death sentence. If I, or anyone I love, ever needs a rabies shot, bring it on, please.

But.

I have found myself to be vaccine-cautious. I've developed an annoying tendency not to believe everything I'm told by a certain industry that is worth more money than a yacht-load of Bill Gateses. And because of that, just attaching my name to these words will likely make many of you point and laugh at me (at best), call me horrible names and wish to ruin me (at worst). 

Yet that's where we are. We aren't allowed to be vaccine-cautious. If combining too many too often on a tiny baby makes me nervous, tough shit. If I want to know why a newborn needs to get Hep B, I can go fuck myself. If I screw all my courage to the sticking point and ask why I can't get just a measles vaccine, or just a mumps vaccine, or just a rubella vaccine, or a tetanus shot without anything else riding along...well, I could probably be jailed for that question at this point. Because science.  (Um...what if I find some science that backs up my worries, may I ask about that? No, I may not? Mmm-k.)

So no worries. I'm not asking any questions anymore. I pretty much feel all my questions have been beaten out of me....and it started long before Covid. I have children who got certain shots in the early to mid aughts, and "things" happened. Just some "things." I've since learned that such "things" are all in my active imagination, I need to have something to blame, and wondering aloud about these "things" at all makes me bad, stupid, and dangerous, so I don't anymore. I truly don't. Call off the dogs, I've given up.

Oh, speaking of having given up, I'm fully Pfizer vaccinated (of course you can see my card) so that I can participate in society without wearing a scarlet A on my chest and being perceived a scourge upon humanity. And I feel great about it.

But let's get one thing straight, ok?  Call me an anti-vaxxer, to my face, go ahead, see what happens. 

It's not a word.